my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
