True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
