i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
