Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
