my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
