weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
