I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
