I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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