If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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