Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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