she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
