Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
