I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
