He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
