how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
