If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize