3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
