wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
