genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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