I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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