I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
