At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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