i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
