i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Randomize
