oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
