And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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