Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
