I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
