We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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