Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
