Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
