Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
