omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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