I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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