i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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