you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
