remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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