Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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