Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So vagazzling was a success
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
