You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just gift wrapped bread.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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