She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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