at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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