And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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