mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
