And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
