I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
