If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
