The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize