im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
