I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
