Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
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I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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