last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
They took my balls.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
