I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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