She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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