Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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