They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
