so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
