honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
no more duck duck goose at the bar
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
