I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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