Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
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Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize