Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
