I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
